Peace. It comes to us in many different ways, takes multiple avenues and looks strange to some. Peace: it takes many different forms but it only has one true source.
Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
The peace I have is not my own. This journey is hard. Last night I told Lovie how much I miss my life... I miss the energy I used to have. I miss not being nauseous. I miss my bad hair life. I miss staying up after the kids go to bed to watch tv with him. I miss the normal everyday things I'm struggling so hard to hold on to right now. But in it all, there is still peace.
Someone said to me, "This seems to be bothering everyone but you." It is bothering me, but there is a very real sense of peace in it all. These things are just temporary...I fully believe I will be restored. I believe I will jog again. I believe I will have energy again. I believe and look forward to a time when I'm not sick and tired every. single. day.
How can this be? Because I believe what Jesus said. He said that in this world we will have trouble...but take heart for he has overcome the world. That means that he has already overcome this for me. The blood of Jesus is my victory.
I'm including another song for your listening pleasure today...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kC59rgmcu34 Skip the ads when you have the opportunity.
Until this is over my heart will stand firm. I will continue to boast in my weakness because I know these things:
He has overcome the world
His blood is my victory
When I am weak, He is strong
Peace. "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Song in my heart...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSKjj8c01ls
Skip the add when you get the opportunity.
Don't you love it when there's a song in your heart? I'm not talking about that song that gets stuck in your head...no, I'm talking about a song in your heart.
10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman has been in my heart all day long. Do you know this song? I've included the link above, if your so inclined.
My latest treatment was Thursday, December 26...and boy did this one kick my fanny. I've been in a fog for the past four days. But today, when I woke up from my nap (I get a lot of naps after treatment days) this song was on my heart.
"You're rich in love and your slow to anger. Your name is great and your heart is kind. For all your goodness I will keep on singing. 10,000 reasons for my heart to find."
I am so blessed. I'm blessed beyond material things - and in material things, as well. For example, today I needed to refill a prescription and our out of pocket cost was $5.69. Insurance paid $77.12. What a magnificent blessing - what a great God and provider we have. But beyond the material, physical blessings, He is great to put a song in my heart.
I could sit with a downcast heart, my thoughts could lean toward the negative, my focus could be on my situation. But instead, He placed a song in my heart...not just any song, but a song of thanksgiving, a song of love, a song of joy.
"And on that day when my strength is failing, the end draws near and my time has come. Still my soul will sing your praise unending...10,000 years and then forever more!"
If He should take me...my song will not end with my last breath. My soul will continue to sing forevermore!
I am glad there is a song in my heart today... I'm glad this song is in my heart today!
"Bless the Lord, Oh my soul. Oh, my soul. I worship your holy name. Sing like never before. Oh my soul. I worship your holy name...I worship your holy name."
Skip the add when you get the opportunity.
Don't you love it when there's a song in your heart? I'm not talking about that song that gets stuck in your head...no, I'm talking about a song in your heart.
10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman has been in my heart all day long. Do you know this song? I've included the link above, if your so inclined.
My latest treatment was Thursday, December 26...and boy did this one kick my fanny. I've been in a fog for the past four days. But today, when I woke up from my nap (I get a lot of naps after treatment days) this song was on my heart.
"You're rich in love and your slow to anger. Your name is great and your heart is kind. For all your goodness I will keep on singing. 10,000 reasons for my heart to find."
I am so blessed. I'm blessed beyond material things - and in material things, as well. For example, today I needed to refill a prescription and our out of pocket cost was $5.69. Insurance paid $77.12. What a magnificent blessing - what a great God and provider we have. But beyond the material, physical blessings, He is great to put a song in my heart.
I could sit with a downcast heart, my thoughts could lean toward the negative, my focus could be on my situation. But instead, He placed a song in my heart...not just any song, but a song of thanksgiving, a song of love, a song of joy.
"And on that day when my strength is failing, the end draws near and my time has come. Still my soul will sing your praise unending...10,000 years and then forever more!"
If He should take me...my song will not end with my last breath. My soul will continue to sing forevermore!
I am glad there is a song in my heart today... I'm glad this song is in my heart today!
"Bless the Lord, Oh my soul. Oh, my soul. I worship your holy name. Sing like never before. Oh my soul. I worship your holy name...I worship your holy name."
Matt Redman, Sparrow Records
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Friday, December 27, 2013
Traveling Steadily along the path...
"Put your hope in the Lord. Travel steadily along his path. He will honor you by giving you the land. You will see the wicked destroyed." Psalm 47:34 NLT
It has been a week since my last update. It's been a great week! Lots of Christmas spent with the ones I love. Lovie took the week off, the kiddos are out of school; it's been magnificent. Although there were some things we could not do because I wasn't supposed to be around large crowds, we have had a blast.
Christmas morning was as it always is; paper flying, surprised faces captured by the camera, chocolate chip muffins. I even made a full Christmas feast for the four of us. Turkey and ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potato casserole, steamed broccoli, fresh baked bread, and a pumpkin pie.
Over the break I had a surprise visit from a friend who saw a pancake post on Facebook and decided to pop in and hug me. It was probably the best pre-Christmas present I've received yet. We sat at my kitchen table and shared pancakes; me in my jammies, she in her cute little ponytail. We chatted and had coffee. It was the highlight of my day. She is a marvel, this woman...and I love her dearly. She made my day and I'm still smiling because of her great love.
From the very beginning of this journey I have said, "if this is the path God wants me to take I will walk it with as much grace as I possibly can." Today's verse speaks to that, and more specifically, to where we are.
This week was another big infusion week for me. What that means is I take two chemo drugs plus two liters of fluids on day one: 7 hours. Then for two consecutive days I go back in for one liter of fluids: 4 hours each day. My week is pretty much consumed with the infusion center. But the staff is amazing and I am greatly blessed by their care. I feel like we are traveling steadily along his path.
My hope is in the Lord. From that I have not wavered. Even when my platelets dropped, my WBC count went too low, and I was borderline anemic, my hope was still in the Lord. He will not let my foot be moved, he who keeps me will not slumber nor sleep.
This verse also says, "He will honor you by giving you the land." For me, right now, the land I have been given is this land of cancer treatment centers, doctors' offices and infusion facilities. It may seem odd, but I am honored that I have a place in this journey. I have the opportunity to hold out hope to those who seem hopeless.
Story: Just yesterday, the woman I was seated across from was in for her infusion as well. We chatted for a brief moment. She was diagnosed with breast cancer; a small lump, but it had spread to her lymph nodes. Her surgery is scheduled for March. She said she was trying to be hopeful. I told her that my step mother had battled and survived breast cancer twice, with two surgeries, and was cancer free for several years. The lady smiled and said that was very encouraging and was exactly what she needed to hear.
Now, I'm not one to take credit for these things, but I was honored and privileged to be able to hold out a glimmer of hope to this woman who was clearly concerned. This is the land I have been given.
The promise also says, "You will see the wicked destroyed." I don't know if, for me, that means I will see cancer destroyed, or if it means I will see hopelessness, grief, worry and fear destroyed.
What I do know is this: God in his sovereignty has allowed me to walk this path. I don't know the reason, I don't know the purpose. I certainly don't understand the 'why me.' But since he has allowed me to be here, I want to make the most of my time here.
So, I put my hope in the Lord. I walk steadily along his path. He will me by giving me the land, and I will see the wicked destroyed!
Only By His Grace,
Billie
It has been a week since my last update. It's been a great week! Lots of Christmas spent with the ones I love. Lovie took the week off, the kiddos are out of school; it's been magnificent. Although there were some things we could not do because I wasn't supposed to be around large crowds, we have had a blast.
Christmas morning was as it always is; paper flying, surprised faces captured by the camera, chocolate chip muffins. I even made a full Christmas feast for the four of us. Turkey and ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potato casserole, steamed broccoli, fresh baked bread, and a pumpkin pie.
Over the break I had a surprise visit from a friend who saw a pancake post on Facebook and decided to pop in and hug me. It was probably the best pre-Christmas present I've received yet. We sat at my kitchen table and shared pancakes; me in my jammies, she in her cute little ponytail. We chatted and had coffee. It was the highlight of my day. She is a marvel, this woman...and I love her dearly. She made my day and I'm still smiling because of her great love.
From the very beginning of this journey I have said, "if this is the path God wants me to take I will walk it with as much grace as I possibly can." Today's verse speaks to that, and more specifically, to where we are.
This week was another big infusion week for me. What that means is I take two chemo drugs plus two liters of fluids on day one: 7 hours. Then for two consecutive days I go back in for one liter of fluids: 4 hours each day. My week is pretty much consumed with the infusion center. But the staff is amazing and I am greatly blessed by their care. I feel like we are traveling steadily along his path.
My hope is in the Lord. From that I have not wavered. Even when my platelets dropped, my WBC count went too low, and I was borderline anemic, my hope was still in the Lord. He will not let my foot be moved, he who keeps me will not slumber nor sleep.
This verse also says, "He will honor you by giving you the land." For me, right now, the land I have been given is this land of cancer treatment centers, doctors' offices and infusion facilities. It may seem odd, but I am honored that I have a place in this journey. I have the opportunity to hold out hope to those who seem hopeless.
Story: Just yesterday, the woman I was seated across from was in for her infusion as well. We chatted for a brief moment. She was diagnosed with breast cancer; a small lump, but it had spread to her lymph nodes. Her surgery is scheduled for March. She said she was trying to be hopeful. I told her that my step mother had battled and survived breast cancer twice, with two surgeries, and was cancer free for several years. The lady smiled and said that was very encouraging and was exactly what she needed to hear.
Now, I'm not one to take credit for these things, but I was honored and privileged to be able to hold out a glimmer of hope to this woman who was clearly concerned. This is the land I have been given.
The promise also says, "You will see the wicked destroyed." I don't know if, for me, that means I will see cancer destroyed, or if it means I will see hopelessness, grief, worry and fear destroyed.
What I do know is this: God in his sovereignty has allowed me to walk this path. I don't know the reason, I don't know the purpose. I certainly don't understand the 'why me.' But since he has allowed me to be here, I want to make the most of my time here.
So, I put my hope in the Lord. I walk steadily along his path. He will me by giving me the land, and I will see the wicked destroyed!
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Friday, December 20, 2013
My Grace is sufficient for you...
After Wednesday's non-treatment I was feeling a bit defeated. I guess I've thought I would continue to be super-woman through this whole journey.
But then I thought about what Paul said, "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I realize that when my WBC count is low, platelets are low and I am borderline anemic that I am at risk for viral and bacterial infections. Yesterday I was feeling rather low about it. There were things I wanted to do that I simply could not risk doing. There were places I wanted to go, functions I wanted to attend, people I wanted to see...but I knew that wasn't the best option for me.
However, today, in my weakness I am strong. I will boast more gladly about my weakness so that Christ's power may rest on me.
When his power rests on me then I am more able to handle the circumstances of this journey. When his power rests on me then I can point others to HIM.
The following is my song today: It was written and recorded by friends we used to attend church with. If you would like to hear the recorded version, you may follow the link. I encourage you to listen. It is a powerful song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcKIVxKW3VE
"Let me hear my savior say, "Your Strength Shall Return."
Then I'll rejoice in my weakness.
As I lean on your grace.
As I lean on your grace.
May your power rest on me. You are strong when I am weak.
I can bear all things when temptation springs, for you sustain me all my days.
Let me know my Savior's face. Let my hope be secure.
Then I'll rejoice in my weakness.
As I lean on your grace.
As I lean on your grace.
May your power rest on me. You are strong when I am weak.
I can bear all things when temptation springs, for you sustain me all my days.
Once from the Lord withdrawn, I thought that I could live my life alone. Leaving the solid ground I sank beneath His wisdom. The harder I tried to climb, the closer I was to find, how great is my weakness.
May your power rest on me. You are strong when I am weak.
I can bear all things when temptation springs, for you sustain me all my days."
Only By His Grace,
Billie
But then I thought about what Paul said, "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I realize that when my WBC count is low, platelets are low and I am borderline anemic that I am at risk for viral and bacterial infections. Yesterday I was feeling rather low about it. There were things I wanted to do that I simply could not risk doing. There were places I wanted to go, functions I wanted to attend, people I wanted to see...but I knew that wasn't the best option for me.
However, today, in my weakness I am strong. I will boast more gladly about my weakness so that Christ's power may rest on me.
When his power rests on me then I am more able to handle the circumstances of this journey. When his power rests on me then I can point others to HIM.
The following is my song today: It was written and recorded by friends we used to attend church with. If you would like to hear the recorded version, you may follow the link. I encourage you to listen. It is a powerful song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcKIVxKW3VE
"Let me hear my savior say, "Your Strength Shall Return."
Then I'll rejoice in my weakness.
As I lean on your grace.
As I lean on your grace.
May your power rest on me. You are strong when I am weak.
I can bear all things when temptation springs, for you sustain me all my days.
Let me know my Savior's face. Let my hope be secure.
Then I'll rejoice in my weakness.
As I lean on your grace.
As I lean on your grace.
May your power rest on me. You are strong when I am weak.
I can bear all things when temptation springs, for you sustain me all my days.
Once from the Lord withdrawn, I thought that I could live my life alone. Leaving the solid ground I sank beneath His wisdom. The harder I tried to climb, the closer I was to find, how great is my weakness.
May your power rest on me. You are strong when I am weak.
I can bear all things when temptation springs, for you sustain me all my days."
Copyright 2008 Sojourn Community Church
Words and Music: Joel Gerdis and Neil Robbins
Artist: Sojourn Music
Album: Over the Grave
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Transformed by the renewing of your mind...
"...but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..." Romans 12: 2
Yesterday was not a greatly triumphant day for me. We cancelled a treatment because my platelets are too low, my WBC count is too low and I'm borderline anemic. All of these are side effects of the chemo and was expected... I just didn't expect it to happen to me. Because, I'm stubborn like that.
When these things happen, the mind starts to play tricks on you... little thoughts creep in like, "Great, now I'm going to get sick and won't be able to continue," "What if I get a virus and I have to spend Christmas in the hospital?," "What if the chemo isn't working?"
It's moments like this I love to think of Abraham... What a great example he is to me... "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead - since he was a hundred years old - and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God..." Romans 4:18-20
2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to, "...take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." NIV
I know this path may not always be easy. I know that there will be days, like yesterday, when I will feel defeated. I know that the recovery process is going to be long and hard.
But, like Abraham, even though I may face facts that my body is not operating as expected, I will not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God. He has promised never to leave me or forsake me. He has promised that he will make me lie down in green pastures and lead me beside still and quiet waters. He promises to comfort me by his rod and his staff and anoint my head with oil.
I will take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. I will be transformed by the renewing of my mind.
Why, I wondered, are their horrific people in the world walking around without a care, and good people are struck with illness, death, cancer.... Why? Not that I was questioning God. I was just pondering the universe, I suppose. But it seems to me that when Christians are struck with illness, death, cancer, and hardship, it is an opportunity for us to glorify God through it all.
When bad things happen to bad people, I think the world looks with an attitude that says, "they had it coming." But when bad things happen to good people... and good people trust God through it... It brings God glory.
If I have but one thing to do through all of this, it is to bring God glory. No matter what the outcome, no matter the side effects, no matter the thoughts that wander through my mind. In all, I will not waver, but will hope against all hope. I will trust in the name of the Lord my God.
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Yesterday was not a greatly triumphant day for me. We cancelled a treatment because my platelets are too low, my WBC count is too low and I'm borderline anemic. All of these are side effects of the chemo and was expected... I just didn't expect it to happen to me. Because, I'm stubborn like that.
When these things happen, the mind starts to play tricks on you... little thoughts creep in like, "Great, now I'm going to get sick and won't be able to continue," "What if I get a virus and I have to spend Christmas in the hospital?," "What if the chemo isn't working?"
It's moments like this I love to think of Abraham... What a great example he is to me... "Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead - since he was a hundred years old - and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God..." Romans 4:18-20
2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us to, "...take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." NIV
I know this path may not always be easy. I know that there will be days, like yesterday, when I will feel defeated. I know that the recovery process is going to be long and hard.
But, like Abraham, even though I may face facts that my body is not operating as expected, I will not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God. He has promised never to leave me or forsake me. He has promised that he will make me lie down in green pastures and lead me beside still and quiet waters. He promises to comfort me by his rod and his staff and anoint my head with oil.
I will take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. I will be transformed by the renewing of my mind.
Why, I wondered, are their horrific people in the world walking around without a care, and good people are struck with illness, death, cancer.... Why? Not that I was questioning God. I was just pondering the universe, I suppose. But it seems to me that when Christians are struck with illness, death, cancer, and hardship, it is an opportunity for us to glorify God through it all.
When bad things happen to bad people, I think the world looks with an attitude that says, "they had it coming." But when bad things happen to good people... and good people trust God through it... It brings God glory.
If I have but one thing to do through all of this, it is to bring God glory. No matter what the outcome, no matter the side effects, no matter the thoughts that wander through my mind. In all, I will not waver, but will hope against all hope. I will trust in the name of the Lord my God.
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Monday, December 16, 2013
Cancer is making me fruity...
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 3: 2-4. NIV
The King James version says, "...Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience..."
I was speaking to the cashier at Kroger today. She told me that she has been a cashier there for seven and one half years. Then she said, "Being a cashier teaches you patience..." And then she said, "and the "other things," like self-control and kindness..."
As I walked to the parking lot I thought...cancer is teaching making me fruity... This cancer has been a test of faith, but I know that the testing of my faith is developing patience...
From the beginning of this journey nearly seven weeks ago I have learned more about the fruit of the Spirit.
We have learned about love: We have been loved well by our friends and family. We have had meals brought to us - these meals have allowed us to continue to be active in our children's lives. Because people have loved us by bringing us meals, we have attended Austin's Christmas program, where he was a wise man. We have attended Kayla's Christmas band concert. We were able to take Austin to the movies for his birthday. If people had not loved us so well, these things would have been stressful, not enjoyable.
We have learned about joy: In the midst of the trial, I have had a joy that beyond comprehension. I want that joy to spread to others around me, to those I encounter on a daily basis, like the cashier today. I want her to see my joy in the middle of the trial.
We have learned about peace: I know everyone has not felt this peace, but I have had such a peace throughout this journey. From the first step, I have had a peace that passes all understanding.
We have learned about patience: There are days when I have to practice patience more than others. I want to continue to go at the same speed that I've always gone. I want to continue to do all the things I've always done. Truth is, I get tired easily. When I get overly tired I get frustrated. When I'm frustrated, I have to practice patience.
We have learned about kindness: We have had so many people exhibit kindness to us. We have been blessed with gift cards for dinners out, we have been blessed with cards and text messages. We have been blessed with words of hope and prayer.
We have learned about goodness: Even as we go through this journey, we have been given the opportunity to share goodness with others, to pay forward some of the blessings that have come our way. We want to share the goodness we've been blessed by with others.
We have learned about faithfulness: It is so important to me that we remain faithful to this journey to which God has called us. I know that days of doubt and fatigue will come. We have also learned of God's faithfulness. He has been and will continue to be faithful to us through this place.
We have learned gentleness: There are moments when the underlying stress gets the better of us and we get snappy with each other. In these moments we have learned to extend gentleness with one another. We have learned that a gentle answer turns away wrath. We have learned that a gentle word or deed goes a long way at defusing a stressful situation.
We have learned self-control: More, rather, I have learned self-control...or am learning it. There are moments, albeit rare, when I want to stamp my feet and beat my chest. In those moments my prayer becomes, "Lord, let this cup pass from me...nevertheless Thy Will Be Done...."
I am thankful for this trial that is developing perseverance in me. I am thankful that it is developing the fruit of the Spirit in me. I am thankful that when perseverance has completed its work I will be mature and complete, not lacking anything...
Only By His Grace,
Billie
The King James version says, "...Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience..."
I was speaking to the cashier at Kroger today. She told me that she has been a cashier there for seven and one half years. Then she said, "Being a cashier teaches you patience..." And then she said, "and the "other things," like self-control and kindness..."
As I walked to the parking lot I thought...cancer is teaching making me fruity... This cancer has been a test of faith, but I know that the testing of my faith is developing patience...
From the beginning of this journey nearly seven weeks ago I have learned more about the fruit of the Spirit.
We have learned about love: We have been loved well by our friends and family. We have had meals brought to us - these meals have allowed us to continue to be active in our children's lives. Because people have loved us by bringing us meals, we have attended Austin's Christmas program, where he was a wise man. We have attended Kayla's Christmas band concert. We were able to take Austin to the movies for his birthday. If people had not loved us so well, these things would have been stressful, not enjoyable.
We have learned about joy: In the midst of the trial, I have had a joy that beyond comprehension. I want that joy to spread to others around me, to those I encounter on a daily basis, like the cashier today. I want her to see my joy in the middle of the trial.
We have learned about peace: I know everyone has not felt this peace, but I have had such a peace throughout this journey. From the first step, I have had a peace that passes all understanding.
We have learned about patience: There are days when I have to practice patience more than others. I want to continue to go at the same speed that I've always gone. I want to continue to do all the things I've always done. Truth is, I get tired easily. When I get overly tired I get frustrated. When I'm frustrated, I have to practice patience.
We have learned about kindness: We have had so many people exhibit kindness to us. We have been blessed with gift cards for dinners out, we have been blessed with cards and text messages. We have been blessed with words of hope and prayer.
We have learned about goodness: Even as we go through this journey, we have been given the opportunity to share goodness with others, to pay forward some of the blessings that have come our way. We want to share the goodness we've been blessed by with others.
We have learned about faithfulness: It is so important to me that we remain faithful to this journey to which God has called us. I know that days of doubt and fatigue will come. We have also learned of God's faithfulness. He has been and will continue to be faithful to us through this place.
We have learned gentleness: There are moments when the underlying stress gets the better of us and we get snappy with each other. In these moments we have learned to extend gentleness with one another. We have learned that a gentle answer turns away wrath. We have learned that a gentle word or deed goes a long way at defusing a stressful situation.
We have learned self-control: More, rather, I have learned self-control...or am learning it. There are moments, albeit rare, when I want to stamp my feet and beat my chest. In those moments my prayer becomes, "Lord, let this cup pass from me...nevertheless Thy Will Be Done...."
I am thankful for this trial that is developing perseverance in me. I am thankful that it is developing the fruit of the Spirit in me. I am thankful that when perseverance has completed its work I will be mature and complete, not lacking anything...
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Saturday, December 14, 2013
His ways are everlasting...
"His
ways are everlasting." Habakkuk 3:6
"What he hath done at one time, he will do yet again. Man's ways are variable, but God's ways are everlasting. There are many reasons for this most comforting truth: among them are the following-the Lord's ways are the result of wise deliberation; he ordereth all things according to the counsel of his own will.
Human action is frequently the hasty result of passion, or fear, and is followed by regret and alteration; but nothing can take the Almighty by surprise, or happen otherwise than he has foreseen. His ways are the outgrowth of an immutable character, and in them the fixed and settled attributes of God are clearly to be seen.
Unless the Eternal One himself can undergo change, his ways, which are himself in action, must remain for ever the same. Is he eternally just, gracious, faithful, wise, tender?-then his ways must ever be distinguished for the same excellences. Beings act according to their nature: when those natures change, their conduct varies also; but since God cannot know the shadow of a turning, his ways will abide everlastingly the same.
Moreover there is no reason from without which could reverse the divine ways, since they are the embodiment of irresistible might. The earth is said, by the prophet, to be cleft with rivers, mountains tremble, the deep lifts up its hands, and sun and moon stand still, when Jehovah marches forth for the salvation of his people. Who can stay his hand, or say unto him, What doest thou? But it is not might alone which gives stability; God's ways are the manifestation of the eternal principles of right, and therefore can never pass away. Wrong breeds decay and involves ruin, but the true and the good have about them a vitality which ages cannot diminish.
This morning let us go to our heavenly Father with confidence, remembering that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever, and in him the Lord is ever gracious to his people."
Morning and Evening Devotional, by Charles Spurgeon.
I included this devotion by the great Charles Spurgeon because I've been pondering the never-changing aspect of God.
The song, Great is Thy Faithfulness says:
"Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father, There is no shadow of turning with Thee; Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not. As Thou has been Thou forever wilt be."
I think of the names of God in the Old Testament:
Jehovah Rapha, The God who heals... He healed the sick then, and he has not changed.
El Shaddai, Lord God Almighty. He was Almighty then, and He is mighty still.
Jehovah Shalom, The Lord is Peace. He was the God of peace then and He is the God of peace today.
Jehovah Nissi, The Lord is my banner. He has been my banner throughout my life, and he will continue to be my banner still.
Because he changes not, I can trust him to be the same yesterday, today and forever. He was faithful before, He is faithful still.
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Friday, December 13, 2013
Whatever you do...
"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve. " Colossians 3:23-24.
Since this journey began, my reaction has been and continues to be, "If God, in His sovereignty, has allowed me to walk this path, I will walk it with as much grace as I possibly can." I have since changed that thought process to include, "...I will walk it with as much grace as I possibly can...and I will give Him all the glory along the way."
Right now, my world is consumed by this journey. I sometimes wish I could go back a month to the oblivious fog I operated in. However, because so much of my life consists of doctors' appointments, treatments and updates, I am considering this my "work" for now; the business of getting better!
In which case, I am taking Colossians 3 to heart. Whatever I do, I am working at it as for the Lord. Whether that means I'm sitting in a chair receiving chemo, whether I'm at the lab for blood work, whether I'm just having a check up with the doctor, it is my work for the moment and I will do it as for the Lord.
How does that relate? Well, when I'm sitting in the chemo chair, when I'm in the lab, when I'm visiting with the doctors, I have a small window of opportunity to be a witness of God's grace in my life in spite of this great trial.
If I truly believe that this is the path I'm allowed to walk for the moment, and I do truly believe it, then there must be a greater purpose in it - greater than I can see, greater than I can imagine, greater than I can understand.
God has allowed me to partake in this great journey. I do not want to fail to represent Him for even a moment. If one person is touched by His great grace, then I have been allowed to participate in His faithfulness. If one person is encouraged, if one person is helped, if one person receives a greater hope...then I have been blessed to participate in this heavenly task.
So, because I have been gifted with this great task, since I've been blessed to participate in this great journey, I will do all of it as for the Lord, because he has invited me to participate in this great plan with Him.
I am blessed to be a willing participant - whatever the outcome, wherever the journey leads, my heart will say, "If this is the path He has allowed me to walk, I will walk it with as much grace as I possibly can, and I will give Him all the glory along the way!"
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Since this journey began, my reaction has been and continues to be, "If God, in His sovereignty, has allowed me to walk this path, I will walk it with as much grace as I possibly can." I have since changed that thought process to include, "...I will walk it with as much grace as I possibly can...and I will give Him all the glory along the way."
Right now, my world is consumed by this journey. I sometimes wish I could go back a month to the oblivious fog I operated in. However, because so much of my life consists of doctors' appointments, treatments and updates, I am considering this my "work" for now; the business of getting better!
In which case, I am taking Colossians 3 to heart. Whatever I do, I am working at it as for the Lord. Whether that means I'm sitting in a chair receiving chemo, whether I'm at the lab for blood work, whether I'm just having a check up with the doctor, it is my work for the moment and I will do it as for the Lord.
How does that relate? Well, when I'm sitting in the chemo chair, when I'm in the lab, when I'm visiting with the doctors, I have a small window of opportunity to be a witness of God's grace in my life in spite of this great trial.
If I truly believe that this is the path I'm allowed to walk for the moment, and I do truly believe it, then there must be a greater purpose in it - greater than I can see, greater than I can imagine, greater than I can understand.
God has allowed me to partake in this great journey. I do not want to fail to represent Him for even a moment. If one person is touched by His great grace, then I have been allowed to participate in His faithfulness. If one person is encouraged, if one person is helped, if one person receives a greater hope...then I have been blessed to participate in this heavenly task.
So, because I have been gifted with this great task, since I've been blessed to participate in this great journey, I will do all of it as for the Lord, because he has invited me to participate in this great plan with Him.
I am blessed to be a willing participant - whatever the outcome, wherever the journey leads, my heart will say, "If this is the path He has allowed me to walk, I will walk it with as much grace as I possibly can, and I will give Him all the glory along the way!"
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Thursday, December 12, 2013
The ones who don't get thank you cards...
Our family has been so very blessed. We are receiving meals, gifts, Christmas ornaments, packages in the mail, anonymous gifts, gift cards, prayers, blessings and lots of love.
We could not be doing as well as we are doing if it weren't for the love being shown to us. Yesterday my sweet friend brought us the most amazing dinner: grilled chicken, roasted potatoes and wonderful green beans...she even made gingerbread for dessert. What is amazing is that this precious friend went out, in the snow, cleared the ice from her grill to grill the chicken for us -- and she's 6 months pregnant! I don't deserve this kind of love! Thank you, sweet friend. You are a great treasure to me and I can't imagine my life a single day without you!
Because my friend offered to bring us dinner I was able to spend some time cleaning my house plus I got a nap and a shower! Had I had to plan for dinner and cook dinner I would have gotten neither a nap, nor a shower, much less cleaned my house... It was a gift of nourishment for our bodies, but for my spirit as well. Thank you! And I love you, dearly!
Now...for those who don't get thank you cards... I am going to try to write this without growing overly emotional. But I must just brag on my precious family for a moment.
In the past month my husband has taken time off work to go with me to treatments and doctors' appointments. He has done housework, ran errands, taken kids to and from school, taken them to after-school and church activities. He has managed our finances brilliantly and navigated insurance without question. He's let me nap without complaint, he's lost sleep, he's gone without personal time and he hasn't complained one single time.
He has always been my very best friend and my truest companion. To say "I love him" is so understated. He is the love of my life. He is the one who holds my hand and my heart. He holds my hand during the night when I sleep. He hugs me gently so he doesn't hurt me. He is a true example of how Christ loves the church and gave himself for it. I am blessed beyond measure for all he is and all he has done. I cannot thank him enough for being a rock during all of this. I am blessed for every moment of every day of the past 22 years that I have had the blessing of sharing with him. John Ross...I love you to my very core. You are the greatest gift God has ever given me on this earth!
My precious children have also stepped up during this journey. They have cleaned their rooms, learned to do laundry, helped with household chores, let me nap in peace, cleaned up after dinner, finished homework without me fussing, given up activities, stayed home when they wanted to go somewhere and culled their sibling rivalries. They have hugged me gently, loved me greatly and blessed me immensely.
We were told by three fertility specialists that we would never have children, but God in his great grace blessed us with both Kayla and Austin. They bring us joy, laughter, lessons and love. We are better people because we are their parents - they are an inheritance from The Lord and we are blessed.
To my family, I cannot write a thank you note to tell you how much I appreciate you. You are more than a help to me. You are a blessing of all blessings, a treasure. It is an honor to share my life with you. You are heaven sent and I love every minute I share with you!
Only By His Grace,
Billie
We could not be doing as well as we are doing if it weren't for the love being shown to us. Yesterday my sweet friend brought us the most amazing dinner: grilled chicken, roasted potatoes and wonderful green beans...she even made gingerbread for dessert. What is amazing is that this precious friend went out, in the snow, cleared the ice from her grill to grill the chicken for us -- and she's 6 months pregnant! I don't deserve this kind of love! Thank you, sweet friend. You are a great treasure to me and I can't imagine my life a single day without you!
Because my friend offered to bring us dinner I was able to spend some time cleaning my house plus I got a nap and a shower! Had I had to plan for dinner and cook dinner I would have gotten neither a nap, nor a shower, much less cleaned my house... It was a gift of nourishment for our bodies, but for my spirit as well. Thank you! And I love you, dearly!
Now...for those who don't get thank you cards... I am going to try to write this without growing overly emotional. But I must just brag on my precious family for a moment.
In the past month my husband has taken time off work to go with me to treatments and doctors' appointments. He has done housework, ran errands, taken kids to and from school, taken them to after-school and church activities. He has managed our finances brilliantly and navigated insurance without question. He's let me nap without complaint, he's lost sleep, he's gone without personal time and he hasn't complained one single time.
He has always been my very best friend and my truest companion. To say "I love him" is so understated. He is the love of my life. He is the one who holds my hand and my heart. He holds my hand during the night when I sleep. He hugs me gently so he doesn't hurt me. He is a true example of how Christ loves the church and gave himself for it. I am blessed beyond measure for all he is and all he has done. I cannot thank him enough for being a rock during all of this. I am blessed for every moment of every day of the past 22 years that I have had the blessing of sharing with him. John Ross...I love you to my very core. You are the greatest gift God has ever given me on this earth!
My precious children have also stepped up during this journey. They have cleaned their rooms, learned to do laundry, helped with household chores, let me nap in peace, cleaned up after dinner, finished homework without me fussing, given up activities, stayed home when they wanted to go somewhere and culled their sibling rivalries. They have hugged me gently, loved me greatly and blessed me immensely.
We were told by three fertility specialists that we would never have children, but God in his great grace blessed us with both Kayla and Austin. They bring us joy, laughter, lessons and love. We are better people because we are their parents - they are an inheritance from The Lord and we are blessed.
To my family, I cannot write a thank you note to tell you how much I appreciate you. You are more than a help to me. You are a blessing of all blessings, a treasure. It is an honor to share my life with you. You are heaven sent and I love every minute I share with you!
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Jeremiah 33:3
"Call to me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3 NKJV
Apparently, I am an anomaly. I'm ok with that. Let me tell you of the great and mighty things God has done for me this week...
Last week was my first chemo treatment. Side effects were to include, but were not limited to, nausea, fatigue, numbness in hands and feet, insomnia, constipation [sorry if that's TMI], anxiety, irritability... etc, etc. These side effects were expected to be severe. So severe, in fact, I was given one prescription to take 3x per day for 3 days post treatment, 3 powerful anti-nausea drugs, 2 narcotic pain killers and one 3-day slow release anti nausea drug in case the other three didn't work. I was told to sleep, to try to stay in darker rooms, and to take my medications like clock work so the nausea didn't get ahead of me.
I was called in post treatment for two days of additional magnesium and potassium, kidney function was expected to decrease, platelets were expected to decrease, anemia was also expected, bacterial and/or viral infections were expected as well.
When my doctor called me on Monday to check on me, she found me at the office, doing my job. Yes, I was tired, but still functioning. She asked if I had been sick or fatigued. Fatigued, yes, but that was from a weekend of Christmas parties, staying up late to watch movies, two school functions and general over-doing. Nausea...not at all. She was shocked - so shocked she asked, "Are you sure?" I'm pretty sure!
Today, when I went in for my 2nd chemo treatment, my nurse was shocked and astonished that I had neither been sick, nor tired. She was amazed that I went to parties, cleaned my house and attended school functions.
My platelets are higher than normal, my kidney function is UP, I'm a far cry from anemic, and I seem to be in good general health.
Why is this? Because we serve a Big God. From the very beginning, I have had people tell me they would pray for my comfort, for peace, for joy, for strength. Meanwhile, I was rallying for people to say, "I will pray for your healing." If we serve a big God, why would we limit him in what we pray for? If we want healing, why would we not ask him for it?
I think it's because we lack trust. We are afraid to ask for the big thing because we're afraid we will not receive it. It's easy to pray for comfort, peace, joy, and strength because we believe he can and will deliver those things. But I don't want to offer God a consolation prize. I don't want to say, "This is what I expect you can do, so it's all I'll ask you to do." I want to ask him for exceedingly more than I can ask or imagine!
Why? Because I am already seeing great and mighty things which I do not know. I am already seeing your prayers for comfort and peace and joy and strength being answered daily. I am a walking testimony of God's grace and his abundant mercy, and I am sharing that grace and mercy with everyone I can. I want them to know why I'm able to do what I do, and how I'm able to function when I should be in bed. I want them to know that I trust a big God and he is doing great and mighty things in my life.
My devotion scripture this morning says this: "For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing." Jeremiah 31:25 NLT.
I believe I am experiencing this rest and joy. There are moments of sorrow and moments when I'm weary. But as a whole there is joy and rest. I am blessed beyond blessed and so very thankful to the God of all comfort because I know that he will continue to show me great and mighty things which I do not know!
To God be the glory, great things He has done!
Only By His Grace,
Billie
Apparently, I am an anomaly. I'm ok with that. Let me tell you of the great and mighty things God has done for me this week...
Last week was my first chemo treatment. Side effects were to include, but were not limited to, nausea, fatigue, numbness in hands and feet, insomnia, constipation [sorry if that's TMI], anxiety, irritability... etc, etc. These side effects were expected to be severe. So severe, in fact, I was given one prescription to take 3x per day for 3 days post treatment, 3 powerful anti-nausea drugs, 2 narcotic pain killers and one 3-day slow release anti nausea drug in case the other three didn't work. I was told to sleep, to try to stay in darker rooms, and to take my medications like clock work so the nausea didn't get ahead of me.
I was called in post treatment for two days of additional magnesium and potassium, kidney function was expected to decrease, platelets were expected to decrease, anemia was also expected, bacterial and/or viral infections were expected as well.
When my doctor called me on Monday to check on me, she found me at the office, doing my job. Yes, I was tired, but still functioning. She asked if I had been sick or fatigued. Fatigued, yes, but that was from a weekend of Christmas parties, staying up late to watch movies, two school functions and general over-doing. Nausea...not at all. She was shocked - so shocked she asked, "Are you sure?" I'm pretty sure!
Today, when I went in for my 2nd chemo treatment, my nurse was shocked and astonished that I had neither been sick, nor tired. She was amazed that I went to parties, cleaned my house and attended school functions.
My platelets are higher than normal, my kidney function is UP, I'm a far cry from anemic, and I seem to be in good general health.
Why is this? Because we serve a Big God. From the very beginning, I have had people tell me they would pray for my comfort, for peace, for joy, for strength. Meanwhile, I was rallying for people to say, "I will pray for your healing." If we serve a big God, why would we limit him in what we pray for? If we want healing, why would we not ask him for it?
I think it's because we lack trust. We are afraid to ask for the big thing because we're afraid we will not receive it. It's easy to pray for comfort, peace, joy, and strength because we believe he can and will deliver those things. But I don't want to offer God a consolation prize. I don't want to say, "This is what I expect you can do, so it's all I'll ask you to do." I want to ask him for exceedingly more than I can ask or imagine!
Why? Because I am already seeing great and mighty things which I do not know. I am already seeing your prayers for comfort and peace and joy and strength being answered daily. I am a walking testimony of God's grace and his abundant mercy, and I am sharing that grace and mercy with everyone I can. I want them to know why I'm able to do what I do, and how I'm able to function when I should be in bed. I want them to know that I trust a big God and he is doing great and mighty things in my life.
My devotion scripture this morning says this: "For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing." Jeremiah 31:25 NLT.
I believe I am experiencing this rest and joy. There are moments of sorrow and moments when I'm weary. But as a whole there is joy and rest. I am blessed beyond blessed and so very thankful to the God of all comfort because I know that he will continue to show me great and mighty things which I do not know!
To God be the glory, great things He has done!
Only By His Grace,
Billie
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