Long days and longer nights...

I'm not good at waiting.  I have no medium speed; I'm an all or nothing kind of girl.  I'm either laid up in bed flat on my back, or going full steam ahead.  I'm not great with the 25%, the 50% or even the 75%.  I want it all - and I usually want it right now!

Therefore recovery isn't easy for me.  I don't like sitting in my recliner.  I don't like taking the stairs one-at-a-time.  I don't like sleeping with my leg elevated.  I don't like not driving, not cleaning house, not doing laundry.  I don't.  All this resting wears me out :)

I've seen such great improvement this week.  Monday I went all day with no pain meds - only ibuprofen.  Tuesday and Wednesday I had so little pain in my hip that I felt that I was on the upswing.

Then, last night... Oh.... last night.  Pain!  Excruciating pain.  I wished I were back in the hospital where I could push my morphine button and make it all just go away.  None of my pain meds worked; not the tylenol, not the ibuprofen, not the hydrocodone.  There was no sleep and no rest.  Only pain.

And I remembered Psalm 63:6-8. "On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night.  Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.  My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."  When I cannot find peace or rest, I turn my heart to the God of peace who promises rest.  The pain was still nearly unbearable, but my heart and mind were comforted.

Psalm 77: 1-2 says, "I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.  When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted."  I did a lot of crying out to God in my distress last night, that's certain.

This morning, the thought occurred to me that this pain is actually a good sign.  My leg has been numb for nearly three weeks now, with very little feeling.  Maybe this pain in my leg muscles is a sign that the nerve is starting to heal, therefore feeling is returning to my leg.
I think the pain I'm having is muscle spasms because I've been limping along for so long, those muscles are just simply overworked.  I have some exercises I can do to work those loose.
Yesterday my foot started spontaneously jerking...and I think that could mean that the nerve may be firing again :)

So today, although I am tired and a bit worn out, I am thankful for the pain I felt last night because I believe it is a sign of good things to come.

I will put my trust in my heavenly father because I know he has my best interest at heart and just like he always has, he will use this for my good.  I will remember today that He is with me, in my pain, in my rest, in the day and in the night.  "My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."

Only By His Grace,

Billie