November 6, 2013 was the day our world changed. It was the day we heard the words no one ever wants to hear. Those words started a chain reaction that should never be forged.
That day started me on a path I never wanted to take, and lead me to a place I never wanted to go. But much like a mountain trail to be hiked, once you climb the boulders and cross the streams, your pathway ends at a beautiful waterfall, high above the tree line where you can see for miles.
My pathway has taken me to places I never thought I'd go and I've seen sights I never thought I'd see. My vision is clearer and my thoughts are free from fog.
Like every journey we begin, there is an end. This week I had the surgery to remove my mediport. All the doctors agree I won't need it anymore. Surgery went well, recovery is even better! Another scar, but that's okay.
I'm starting to see my scars more as battle wounds. I have fought a hard fight and like any warrior, I will have the wounds to show for it. Each scar I see, from the one on my back where this whole show started, to the 7 inch scar on my belly and the 3 assisting scars, to the 2 inch scar near my collar bone where my port was, to the emotional scars and mental bruises that come with something like this, each one has served a purpose, each one has played a part in the life I live today. Each one was part of my rescue. Each one is a blessing and each one was designed to set me free.
Having my port removed was my last and final chapter. Oh, I'll still have PET scans once a year. I'll see my doctors once a year, but overall, this chapter in my life is coming to a close. Even now, as I pen these words, I feel the overwhelming release of it all. As if a year's worth of worry, fear, hope, grace and tiny mustard seeds of faith is finally coming uncorked. For the first time, I'm beginning to exhale.
What an amazing God to lead to me to this place. I'm so thankful he allowed me to walk this path. I'm thankful every day for the hard lessons. I'm thankful for the fear because I learned to trust Him. I'm thankful for the uncertainty because I learned to believe His word. I'm thankful for the unrest because I learned to rest in Him. I'm thankful for those who used bitter words against me because it taught me that He is always faithful...and to forgive. I am thankful for friends who stood by my side.
I am thankful for my sweet family. No husband, no child should ever see their loved one go through this... no one... but God has been so faithful to show us His mercy and His grace through every step. He has spoken words of kindness to us, he has provided scripture to carry us when our faith was weak and he has blessed us by revealing truth upon truth. I am thankful for my husband who never left my side. I am thankful for my children who loved me and feared for me. I'm forever thankful for every day I am allowed to spend with them.
Life is hard, but God is good. This journey took me to a place I never wanted to go, but it has lead me to a place I never want to leave.
Only By His Grace,
Billie
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