If you're anything like me (and I pray you're not) your thoughts tend to go in many directions. I can think about my grocery list, my chore list, my wish list and a hundred other lists in as little as 15 short minutes.
This morning my heart was sobered as I thought about Jesus telling the disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24
We're told to "take up" our cross - to pick it up, to carry it, to choose it. Wow... I have taken up my cross of cancer treatments because I have no other choice, no option, no opt out, no decline to participate.
But would I have been willing to deny myself and take up this cross if it were offered to me? If Jesus had said, "In order to receive this peace, this comfort, this greatest blessing of your life, you must take up (by choice) the cross of cancer." Would I have willingly accepted a disease for which there is no cure? Would I have picked up this heavy burden in order to follow Christ into this world of unknowns? Would I trust him enough to take on something bigger than myself? Would I have willingly given myself to something that has the potential to take my life in order to feel the presence I've felt these past two months?
Truth is, I fear I would not. But the funny thing about something like this is it gives you greater understanding of faith and hope and trust. I cannot say that even in this moment I would be willing to choose this cross. However, I am grateful that it was chosen for me. Because I believe He is sovereign, I trust that His way is perfect. Even this way.
I receive emails, texts, messages and comments everyday of how this is touching other lives. I am humbled that my very small existence could touch even one other life. I am honored that He would use me to encourage others, to help them along their own paths, to help them to choose to pick up their own crosses and follow him into the dark places of life.
I have found it to be true that in the darkest of places, his light dispels the darkness because He is the light. I am grateful that this cross was chosen for me because I'm certain I wouldn't have had the strength to carry it by my own will.
What is your cross? Will you carry it by will or by design?
Only By His Grace,
Billie
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