When David heard the taunting of Goliath, he went to Saul and said, "Let no one lose heart, your servant will go and fight him." Saul then replied, "You cannot go, you are a young man and he has been a warrior since his youth." David then recounted all the battles with wild animals, lions, bears, etc, while tending his father's sheep. He declared, "The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine."
Saul then gave his permission for David to fight. But then he did something spectacular. King Saul gave David his own tunic, and suited him up with his battle armor. David walked around and tried it out, but quickly found that he was not used to the apparel and took it off.
Instead, he went out without armor, armed with only a sling and five small stones. (1 Samuel 17, paraphrased)
Seven months ago I heard the worst words of my life. "You have cancer." No one could have prepared me for those words. There were days I felt as if I were facing a giant who had been a warrior for many, many years...a warrior that had an undefeated record.
Like David, many people came along beside me and offered me their armor: do this, don't eat that. Drink this, don't use that. Pray this, don't say that. Each person had well-meaning advice. But like David, I tried them on, and realized, I was not comfortable in their armor. I had to fight this giant in my own attire, and with my own weapons.
For me, my only armor was trust in a sovereign God. My weapon was total submission to Him and His perfect will. It wasn't always easy to pray the words, "Not my will but thine be done." Often times I would say the words and my heart would skip a beat...what if His will is to take me? What if He doesn't heal me? What if? What if? What if?
But when you're facing a giant that is so much bigger than anything you've ever faced, a giant that took the lives of thousands, millions, a giant that was bold and brazen and taunted you with statistics and numbers and hopeless facts, sometimes all you can do is simply trust - even in the face of the hopeless.
I faced my Goliath. Each time I went in for chemotherapy I faced my giant. Each time I lost a handful of hair, I faced my giant. Each time I took anti-nausea meds, I faced my giant. Each time I had blood work, or a body scan, or a minor test, I faced my giant. Each time he taunted me with his strength.
Just like David, the Lord who rescued me countless times, in countless battles, in numerous heartaches, went out with me...and He delivered me!
Sometimes I wonder if David ever walked a dusty path and saw a cluster of small stones. I wonder if he felt that old familiar catch of breath reminding him of his battle with Goliath.
Whenever I have to go back in for blood work, or see my physicians for follow up appointments, or go to Physical Therapy three times a week, I am reminded of the battle between me and my giant.
I am thankful for each person who came along beside me offering me their tunic and their armor. Some battles we just have to fight in our own clothing. Some battles we have to fight barebones -- simply so all we have to depend on is the grace of God and His faithfulness. Some battles can only be won impossibly so that only God can get the glory!
I will continue to fight this battle for the rest of my life... I will continue blood work and body scans every six months for the next five years. Each time I will be reminded of my own Goliath... and every time I will be remember his defeat!
I am thankful for a God who goes into battle with me and fights each one for me! Bringing me from victory to victory. I have said from the start that I want God to get the glory for this, no matter what the outcome. I am thankful that He is victorious!
Only By His Grace,
Billie
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