Beginning again...

I've taken the past month off from blogging, first, to spend the most amount of time with my children, and second, to refocus my thoughts.  We took a family vacation, we prepared for and started a new school year.  After five months, we finally returned to Bible Fellowship and church, where as before I only had enough energy to attend one or the other... 

Today I go back to work.  I am both excited and trepidatious.  I am excited to be back with my friends and co-workers.  I am excited for the routine and the schedule.  I love the interaction and shenanigans these folks bring to my life.  They are, by far, the best group of people I could have ever hoped to work with.

However, I have realized, of late, that there is no going back, there is no returning to what was, there is no real recurrence of normal.  I have spent the last few weeks thinking of and waiting to feel normal again.  But nothing feels normal.  Going to the grocery, pumping gas, taxiing my children to school and sports practices, going to church, cooking dinner, cleaning house...none of it feels normal any more.

I feel as if I'm in the Matrix.  I see things differently now.  I see the beauty in things I didn't see before.  I see the benefit in activities I didn't know before.  The difference is, I feel as if I'm seeing it all again for the first time...as if I'm beginning again.

I look forward to new beginnings - I love New Year's and Mondays because they symbolize a new start to the year, or the week.  It's as if we are handed a whole list of possibilities.

I think back to my life before and I realize how much I missed.  I realize, normal was boring, normal was mundane, normal was taken for granted.  I can see clearly how blessed I am, how important every moment is, and how a smile can change the course of someone's day and I understand, I don't really want to go back to normal, after all.  

Only By His Grace,

Billie