Y'all I'm stubborn. Did you know that about me? I am stubborn as a stone! If someone tells me I can't do something I'll kill myself proving them wrong. I've always been that way, guess I always will.
You know, almost everyone I know was very supportive of me when I was first diagnosed with cancer. But there were a few who automatically treated me as if I were going to die. Actually, even after my surgery and the results that I was cancer free there were a couple who would warn me, 'It'll come back," or "Don't believe the doctors when they tell you it's all gone, it's not." But that didn't phase me, I just stood my ground, braced against the wind and thought, "Bet me!"
There's a quote from one of our favorite movies hanging on my bathroom mirror. It says, "Never give up! Never surrender!" I decided that if I had to fight until my dying breath I was not going down without a fight! Because I'm stubborn!
When I came home from the hospital with my back out of whack and my leg muscles in atrophy because of nerve damage, it was all I could do to walk across the floor. The pain was so great that I literally (and I do mean literally) begged God to let me die!
One day I asked my physical therapist (and dear friend) how long it would be until I would wear my high heels. She told me it would be at least a year. I didn't tell her this, but I thought, "Oh no it won't be a year! Maybe six months, but there's no way it's going to be a year!" Because I'm stubborn! I am happy to report that I went back to work two weeks ago and every day I've worn my high heels to work.
As I've worked diligently to rebuild the muscles in my leg I've often tested their limits on my treadmill. Walking has been all I could do, until now. Last night, as I stretched my muscles and did my leg lifts and hip exercises, I decided to test myself on my treadmill again. For fifteen minutes I walked faster than I've walked in four months and I jogged at 3mp in 30-45 second increments. No, it's not a 7 minute mile and it's not the 9 miles I was running last October...but it's a start. Because I'm stubborn.
I guess being stubborn can be a bad thing. But I like to think of it as a gift. If God hadn't created me this way I could have easily sat down and gave up. I think the cancer would have gotten me. I could have walked with my cane and hung up my fancy shoes. But I didn't. And I won't. I'll keep wearing my heels and my running shoes. And as always it is...
Only By His Grace,
Billie
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