Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Lead me to the Rock...


"Hear my cry, O God,

    listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to you
    when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock
    that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge,

    a strong tower against the enemy."  Psalm 61:1-3

Here it is, the wee hours of the morning, and I find myself sitting at my laptop contemplating...again.  There has been something on my mind for a few days.  It isn't life-changing or earth-changing, it is simply a decision I need to make for myself.  

As I woke this morning around 2:30, my thoughts were "when my heart is faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I."  My heart isn't actually faint, and the enemy isn't assailing us or pursuing us, but I know that going to the rock that is higher than I will be my refuge.

In Matthew 11:28 Jesus said, "Come to me all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest."  I don't feel weary, nor do I feel like I carry a heavy burden, but at 2:30 in the morning I certainly wouldn't argue over some rest.

It reminds me of all the sleepless nights I spent thinking about my health, my diagnosis, my surgery, my recovery, etc, etc, etc.  All of those nights when my heart was faint, all of those nights when I was weary of carrying such a heavy burden, He was a strong tower for me and he did give me rest.

So why is it that now, when I'm thinking of this uncertainty, why is it that I don't run full speed ahead to the rock that is higher than I rather than lying awake in my bed?  Why is it that I find myself questioning "next steps" rather than resting in His goodness?

I think it's because I think myself capable of handling my everyday decisions on my own.  When faced with cancer my only hope was to let him carry me through it all.  I couldn't carry the burden myself.  But "this thing" that consumes my mind, I think I can carry alone.  "This thing" threatens my peace of mind and steals my rest, why would I try to carry it alone?  

Why is it that we choose to carry our burdens when He's offered, no promised, to give us rest?  He doesn't care what our burdens consist of, how big they seem in our own eyes, or how insignificant they may really be.  He only wants us to trust him with them all.  He wants to give us rest.  

Only a crazy person awake in the wee hours of the morning would refuse rest.  I am going to the rock that is higher than I for even in this new thing he will be my refuge and my strong tower.

Only By His Grace,

Billie




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