And so it begins...

Psalm 139:1-16 says the following:

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.  
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofts for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if i settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will home me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.


My favorite verse has always been Psalm 139:16, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  It reminds me that no matter what I face, no matter what comes my way, no matter what joy or pain I face, my life is ordained, my story is already written, my path already chosen.

We don't always see what lies ahead.  I'm convinced that's a good thing - otherwise, we would probably go kicking and screaming.  We don't like the rough road.  We don't like the steep climb.  We don't like the deep waters.  We like easy street.  We like the comfort zone.

Truth is, easy street and the comfort zone don't allow us to grow.  Easy street and the comfort zone don't stretch our faith.  They don't push our faith boundaries.

Our family has pretty much lived on Easy Street, in our nice little comfort zone for many, many years.  We trust God for our daily bread and He is faithful to provide it.  We trust Him for our safety, and He is faithful to supply.

Right now, we are so far outside our comfort zone we can't even see our comfort zone.  

In August of 2013 I began battling fatigue.  We were busy with the new school year, sports, karate, work, church… We were making dinner, finishing homework, practicing instruments, completing projects.  

After many doctor visits, a CT scan and a few shed tears, November 6th I was diagnosed with bladder cancer.  And so our journey begins.

What we know so far:

I have bladder cancer.  We don't know what stage.

My PET scan looks great!  There is only one lymph node that is slightly hot - and it could be inflammation.  They cannot biopsy it because it is behind my pelvic bone.  We will watch it after chemo  starts to see how it responds.  We are hoping for the best!

Next week is Thanksgiving - and boy are we thankful!  We have been so very blessed in this!  Friends have come from everywhere to offer support, and our prayer warriors have been storming the gates of Heaven on our behalf.  

Monday we have our consultation with a surgeon and chemo education.  Tuesday we have the chemo port implanted.  Wednesday, Thursday and Friday we are on Thanksgiving break and we intend to spend every moment with an attitude of gratitude.  We are getting our annual live Christmas tree,  we will decorate and share hot cocoa, cookies and sing along with Nat King Cole!

Monday, December 3 is my first chemo treatment.  It is seven hours long.  I am taking my knitting, my laptop, and the Christmas cards…because I have lots of Christmas cards to sign!  

From the very moment we were told I had cancer, my thought has been, "I do not understand this path.  I wouldn't have chosen it, but if God in His sovereignty has allowed me to walk this path, I will walk it with as much grace and I possibly can."  That is still the desire of my heart.  That is the grace part of this blog.

Some have told me they feel their faith is so small.  The blessing in that is that even those with "little faith" can pray great prayers.  
Jesus replied, "Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible for you."  Matthew 18:20 NIV.  God does not answer our prayers according to the size of our faith.  Even if we only have a mustard-seed sized faith, He still answers our prayers! That is the mustard seed part of this blog.

We could have chosen CaringBridge or CarePages to share our story with you…but those are private pages.  Our hope in this blog is that somehow, somewhere, someone will search and find the great hope that we have… 

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As always, you're welcome to leave us a note of encouragement in the comment section below.  We may not always have time to respond individually, but we appreciate every one.

Only By His Grace,

Billie