The Lord Speaks...

When I was first diagnosed, obviously, my heart was heavy.  It was a weight like I'd never known before.  Questions filled my head like, "What did I do to cause this?," and "What could I have done to prevent this?,"  and "What did I do to deserve this?,"  but mostly, "Why does my husband and my sweet children have to suffer through this, too?."

I started thinking about Job and all he went through…and I think that's probably a normal response - to think about Job at a time like this…

Like Job I had friends telling me sweet things like, "You're strong! You'll get through this!"  They said, "You have done so much good, it's bound to come back to you now."  All of these comforting words and supportive feelings were very much appreciated.  But still, I thought, "How did Job respond to God that got God's attention in such a way that he was restored."

Please do not misunderstand: I wasn't so much interested in the restoration, as I was in Job's response to God.

After Job's friends were through "comforting" him - and encouraging him… Then, the Lord speaks.  

" Then the Lord answered Job out of the storm.  He said, "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge?  Brace yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer me.

Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?  Tell me if you understand.  Who marked off it's dimensions?  Surely you know!  Who stretched a measuring line across it?  Now hat were it's footing set or who laid it's cornerstone- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?  Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garnet and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, "This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt?"

Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?  The earth takes shape like clay under a seal; its features stand out like those of a garment.  The wicked are denied their light, and their upraised arm is broken.

Have you journeyed to the springs of the sea or walked in the recesses of the deep?  Have the gates of death been shown to you? Have you seen the gates of the shadow of death?  Have you comprehended the vast expanses of the earth?  Tell me if you know all this.

What is the way to the abode of light?  And where does darkness reside?  Can you take them to their places?  Do you know the paths to their dwellings?  Surely you know, for you were already born!  You have lived so many years!

…What is the way to the place where the lightning is dispersed, or the place where the east winds are scattered over the earth?

…Do you know the laws of the heavens?  Can you set up God's dominion over the earth?

…Do you send the lighting bolts on their way?  Do they report to you, "here we are?"

Excerpts from Job 38, NIV

In all I was facing, with all the questions… my heart was immediately stilled -- and turned to repentance and to God's glory. 

If this is the path God has allowed me to take, who am I to question his sovereignty?  Now, if this is an attack from the enemy, you better believe I'm going to come out with both barrels blazing!  But, for a moment… in the stillness of the morning… my heart was turned to God's magnificent glory.  My questions were stilled.

Every time I begin to question the why's… I remember what God said to Job in chapters 38 - 41.

Job's response was this:  

"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.  You asked, "who is this that obscures  my counsel without knowledge?  Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.  You said, "Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, and you shall answer me.  My ears had heard you but now my eyes have seen you.  Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."  Job 42:1-6


In all of this, every day, in every breath I take, I want my heart to be continually turned to repentance and to focus on God's glory.

When people look at me, I don't want them to see my cancer, I want them to see my Christ!

Only By His Grace,

Billie