Faith and Chemotherapy...

Funny things happen when you're diagnosed with cancer. 

First, people come from everywhere wanting to help.  I think it's because cancer makes people feel helpless.  A part of me thinks it also makes people feel vulnerable.  "If it can happen to _________ then it could happen to me…"  Suddenly, we stop for a moment and consider our own mortality.  I am loving connecting and re-connecting with people I haven't connected with for a long time!  I've missed you!  

Second, when you're diagnosed with cancer, people start sending you "home remedies."  Advice prolifically comes like, "cut out all sugars," and "drink peppermint tea."  I've received advice on what to pray, how to pray, when to pray.  I've received prayer cloths and directions for taking communion.  All of these bits of advice I take and hold very close to my heart because I know each one was sent in love, was given with hope and was meant for my good.  Consequently, my favorite advice to date was texted to me in great love.  She said, "Put a little windex on it!"  I laughed until I hurt!  If you've ever seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding…

I've done a lot of research into the vegan diet, the peppermint tea, the garlic and ginger… all of them have good research attached to them.  I must admit, the garlic and ginger tea has the most fascinating results…so if you run into me at Target, please forgive my aroma; I'm not trying to ward off vampires!

I must confess, many of the things I do, I do to make my friends and family feel helpful.  I put the prayer cloth in my purse because I believe in the healing power of prayer.  I drink the ginger/garlic concoction because I believe there are healing qualities to those products.  I exercise because I believe in the healing power of endorphins.  

Even farther still, I agreed to chemo because it is the best medicine available to me.  I trust my urologist and my oncologist; both of them are fine people, very well educated in their fields, and for some reason, they seem to love me.

I agreed to chemo because it gives other people hope.  


But please hear me when I say this:  
My hope is not in my diet.  
My hope is not in peppermint tea.  
My hope is not in garlic and ginger.  
My hope is not in exercise.  
My hope is not in vitamins or antioxidants. 
My hope is not in my doctors or the chemo drugs they administer.  
My hope is not in the declaration of my healing. 
My hope is not in my own prayers.  
My hope is not in my own strength.

My hope is in God alone.  The chemo drugs may fail.  The ginger and garlic may fail.  The vitamins and exercise may fail.  My strength may fail.  But my God will never fail!

I am humbled and thankful for every piece of advice given to me.  I am blessed by every single prayer prayed for me.  Please don't stop!  If you believe in prayer, please pray.  

But in the end, all of these things are secondary.  Beside a mighty God they are second best; they are a lesser hope.  They are a momentary distraction. They are an evaporating vapor of peace.

If it were solely my decision, I would probably forego the chemotherapy.  I believe so strongly that God is in complete control of this.  But I know that I also have to take the steps that are given me to take.  I have to walk the path that I've been given to walk.  Chemo is part of that path.  So I will walk it.  But I will not walk it alone.  


"But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations." Psalm 33: 11

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped." Ps 28:7

"Why are you downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."  Ps. 42:11

Only By His Grace,

Billie