It seems the last three or four winters have been mild. Our kiddos bought brand new sleds on clearance in 2010 and just this year took the tags off. I think I've missed the winter. I love the snow and the freshness of it all. I realize I may be alone in this sentiment :)
I wanted to give a brief, albeit confusing update to my chemo posts from last week. From the very beginning of this journey, my oncologist and my urologist have said we would have 3 - 4 rounds of chemotherapy to shrink this silly tumor. That is the reason I posted late last week that this may be my final chemo - round four.
When I went in to see my oncologist she suggested three more rounds. When I spoke with my urologist, he disagreed. He thinks that this fourth round may be enough. So they're going to put their heads together and see what they can come up with.
Remember, we aren't trying to eradicate the cancer, only shrink it enough so that surgery is a viable option. At this point, the surgery is a viable option. The cancer is shrinking as hoped. We are just needing a time of recovery before we can do the surgery.
So, for now, I'm not clear on if this will be my last round, or if we may do another, or another after that. My hope is that this is the last one. The recovery time is getting more difficult and isn't really following the plan -- or rather, MY plan.
What I know for certain is this, "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you." James 1:5 I am praying for wisdom for my oncologist and my urologist - and for this third party doctor, the urological oncologist who has agreed to help with my surgery. If you're praying along with us, please pray for healing, but also for wisdom for these doctors!
In the meantime, I am waiting for God to do a miracle. It wouldn't surprise me at all if he decided to erase the cancer from my body. But if he doesn't, I know that he has a plan and process for me already in place.
Casting Crowns sings a song, "You're Already There." Here are the lyrics and link... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgFLjlzbSp4 Skip the ads when you can...
From where I'm standing
Lord it's so hard for me to see
Where this is going
And where You're leading me
I wish I knew how
All my fears and all my questions
Are gonna play out
In a world I can't control
Oh, oh
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there
Oh, oh, oh, oh
From where You're standing
Lord, You see a grand design
That You imagined
When You breathed me into life
And all the chaos
Comes together in Your hands
Like a masterpiece
Of Your picture perfect plan
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there
One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
I can't wait to enjoy the view
And see how all the pieces fit [x2]
One day I'll stand before You
And look back on the life I've lived
Cause You're already there
You're already there
When I'm lost in the mystery
To You my future is a memory
Cause You're already there
You're already there
Standing at the end of my life
Waiting on the other side
And You're already there
You're already there
I don't have to worry or fret for any of this. I can just sit back and rest in the knowledge that He has all of this under His control. Every moment, every day, every week, every treatment. He's already there waiting to help me through it all!
Only By His Grace,
Billie
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