Saturday, May 3, 2014

Attaining perspective.

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."  Philippians 3:10-11

As many times as I've read or heard this verse over the course of my life, I've never fully grasped what it means.  I understand how Apostle Paul could write these words, after all, look at all his sufferings for the cause of Christ.  But I couldn't understand how to apply it to my own heart...until now.

Recently, I was lying awake in the night waiting for my pain meds to kick in, and became overwhelmed by the realization of how God has saved my life.  I'm not talking metaphorically; He, in his great grace actually saved my life.  It is overwhelming to know that six months ago I had a bladder eaten up with cancer.  I had lymph nodes that were questionable.  I didn't know whether my life expectancy was 6 months, a year, or maybe two years.  I have spent the past six months praying for a miracle, and I have received one.  

It is overwhelming to me that my life has been spared.  And although many have commented on my bravery and faith, the truth is, there were moments when it was altogether frightening.  And, much to my shame, when the doctors told me they got all the cancer, that it hadn't spread, that I was clear, my heart still couldn't believe it.  It really showed me that no matter how much I said "I believe" when God actually did what I "believed" he would do, I was still surprised; revealing my doubt.

But what struck me so much in the night is that, as in awe as I am that He would save my life from this terrible disease called cancer, It can barely phase me that he has done a greater work by saving my soul from the terrible disease of sin.  I am overwhelmed that he would save my life, that is no more than a wisp or vapor, but I would no longer be overwhelmed that he has saved my soul, which is eternal.  And again, my heart was turned to repentantance.  I never want to take for granted the greater work done for me.

Now, after all of this, I think I can relate to what Paul was saying.  I understand what it means to "want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection..."  In a small way, I feel as if I have been given a taste of that power of resurrection through my healing.  Through cancer, I feel as if I've been allowed to "share in his sufferings."  There were certainly moments I thought I might "become like him in his death" by reaching him in my own.  Even if He had taken me, or decides at some point to take me still, I know that even then, I will "attain to the resurrection of the dead."  Not only has He saved my life on this earth, but he has saved my soul from eternal death.  I am forever in his debt and forever grateful.

Only By His Grace,

Billie

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