I am thankful that God is Sovereign over all things. I can rest in his unfailing love and trust in his mercy. I don't have to strive to be in control over things in which I have no control.
His promises to me are true. When He tells me to trust in Him, I will trust. When he tells me to rest in his grace, I will rest. When he tells me to stand firm against the enemy, I will stand.
I often wonder how this is possible for me. I am not brave. I am not strong. I am not powerful. I only trust him to do what he promises to do.
My cancer journey hasn't always been easy. In fact, other than a great and overwhelming peace, I can't say it was ever easy. But there was always a great and overwhelming peace.
I trusted in my savior to bring this together for my good, because he promised it. I trusted my savior to use this to build my character, because he promised it. I trusted him to heal me, because he promised it. In that, I didn't have to worry about praying according to an exact formula. I didn't have to fight a battle that wasn't mine to fight. I didn't have to wage war against something on my own I could not win. I simply had to trust him.
There were days I wanted to give up and give in. But somehow inside I knew that if I didn't allow God to take me to these depths I would never know the trust he wanted me to know, I would never know the growth he wanted me to know, I would never know the peace he wanted me to know. I couldn't grow to the potential he wanted me to, if I fought him for my own will. I had no other choice but to submit to Him and His will in this for me.
Habakkuk 3:17 - 18 says, "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my savior." There were days when I felt the weight of my diagnosis, when I felt like everything inside me was desolate and empty. Even then, there was peace. Even then I knew that my sovereign Lord had a plan and was working it out to completion and for my good. Even when I had to face the idea of death, I knew he had my best interest at heart and he was going to use this for my benefit and for his glory.
Habakkuk 3:19 says, "The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feel like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights."
Throughout every moment, the Lord was and continues to be my strength. These days of recovery are difficult at times. Because of nerve damage, I certainly feel as if my feet may at times fail, but I know that he will enable me to continue on, until I have reached the place he has in store for me.
There is a song I love - it has encouraged me on many days - especially in these days of recovery when there has been a real threat of my feet failing. It is recorded by Hillsongs. The song is Oceans (Where feet may fail.) It is a long song; nine minutes. But I trust it will bless you.
The bridge says, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my savior."
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Only By His Grace,
Billie
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