The story already written...

Some times we think our life is made up of moments of happenstance.  We go about thinking whatever this day holds just comes along as it may or on a whim.  We struggle through trials and adversities, we battle in the flesh and war in the spirit.  We go to bed at night with all manner of instances replaying in our minds, fighting to steal our peace and suffocate our hope.

This week has been a tough week.  I've reached my wit's end with the pain in my leg.  I've cried a few times at the sight of my belly - a nine inch scar and two catheters emerging from two holes in my torso.  I have grown weary of the two catheter leg bags I wear every day.  I know these things are temporary, but they are still cumbersome and tiring.

And then comes peace... remember that song?  "When peace like a river attendeth my way.  When sorrow like sea billows roll.  Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul." 

Admittedly there have been moments when sorrow like sea billows have rolled.  But even greater has been peace like a mighty rushing river attending my way.  I am not grieved by this journey.  I am not sorrowful over this, my lot in life.  I do not feel loss because of my surgery.  I am only weary of the temporary.

But there is great peace knowing that my story has already been written.  Psalm 139:16 says, "All the days ordained for me were written in his book before one of them came to be."  All the days ordained for me...all of them...yesterday, today, tomorrow, five years ago, twelve years from now...they are already written.  My birth, my life, my marriage, my cancer...it was already written and my days were already ordained before I ever knew what my days held.  

Knowing that my life has already been choreographed gives me great peace.  I know that whatever this day holds, whether it's recovery or pain, whether it's insomnia or deep slumber, I know that this day has already been written for me.  I can rest in knowing that all the days, even this day, are ordained for me...and I can be at peace.  I can say without hesitation, whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say it is well, it is well, with my soul!

Only By His Grace,

Billie