Patience in affliction...

I've often been asked how I can be so calm during this journey.  Some have even said they are amazed.  I haven't felt amazing; not at all.  

From the very beginning to this current state of recovery, I continually remind myself of God's sovereignty and his divine purpose in this task.   From the start I said, "If God in his sovereignty has allowed me to walk this path, I will walk it with as much grace as I possibly can."  My only hope has been that others will see the hope I have in Christ and that He will be glorified through it all.

I couldn't see God being glorified in this journey if I was always at unrest.  I couldn't see him being glorified if I was constantly in a state of worry.  I couldn't see him being glorified if I was always striving and struggling for my own will.  No.  The only way I could see him being glorified was if I submitted myself to his will, and then held on for dear life.

I think A. W. Tozer said it very well when he said, "When I understand that everything happening to me is to make me more Christlike, it resolves a great deal of anxiety."  I must admit, when I focused my thoughts on this pathway leading me to be more Christlike, this pain having a divine purpose, this uncertainty leading me to trust him more...that is how I've found a place of ultimate peace.  To know that He is in control -- and to surrender that control to him -- that is the perfect peace.

Romans 12:12 tells us to "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  I must say that every glimmer of hope, every good report, every shrunken cancer cell, every mild reaction brought joy.  When I felt as if the task was too great for me, this pathway was too long, too dark, to frightening, knowing that His purpose was being fulfilled gave me great patience in my affliction.  I am thankful for those who have been, and continue to be faithful in prayer.  I know it is what gets me through every rough patch.

Psalm 57:1-2 says, "I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed.  I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me."  I know that even now, in this state of long recovery, when things aren't moving as quickly as I'd like, I know that He is fulfilling his purpose for me...and that resolves a great deal of anxiety!

Only By His Grace,

Billie