Friday, March 28, 2014

Looking back; part two...

This week has been about looking back for me.  I can't believe that it's been two weeks since my last chemo treatment, that it's been 6 weeks since the last treatment that made me so terribly sick.  It's been one week since I had my nephrostomy tube removed.  It's been one week since I met with the surgeon....

This week I was washing my hair and realized I cannot use any longer the shampoo I've been using for over a year now.  Something about my sense of smell was heightened during my chemo treatments and the smell of my shampoo reminds me of all those tired, sick days.  

I have developed a side effect from sugar.  It leaves a terrible metallic after taste in my mouth.  I still have a little sugar, but for the most part, I don't really like it much any more.

My hearing is much improved.  In fact, only music at church hurts one ear.  It's easily resolved with a little cotton.  A month ago I couldn't stay for church because the sound was excruciating. 

These things may not sound very impressive to most people but to me they are huge hurdles.  Showering and bathing with a tube and wire is challenging at best.  To have that gone is such a gigantic blessing - I do not take it for granted any more.  

Sitting in church without pain is a huge blessing.  I missed a lot of Sundays...and I'm glad to be back.

As far as the sugar...well, I needed to cut back anyway :)  

My life has been forever changed.  I feel as if I was led to the precipice, stood on the edge and looked into the abyss, and then was granted a second chance.  

There are things I'm still working through.  Chemo brain is very real.  You forget things, can't think of words, zone out... it's very strange.  Hormones are all over the board - chemo can have the effect of menopause and that's a load of fun.  Emotions are harder to recognize as well.  Somethings make you weepy, somethings make you extremely angry.  Learning that these are side effects and recognizing that is a good lesson in self-control.

I still feel very blessed through this journey.  It has been, and will be a long hard road, but I have more clarity now, more insight, more understanding that I have before.  There are things in this life that do not concern me because temporary things pass away - what remains is eternal...  

I am grateful for friends who have prayed, called, texted and visited.  I am blessed by every word of encouragement.  God is good to provide hands and feet to care for us throughout this whole ordeal.

Today I am thankful that I'm not sitting in a bed for seven hours receiving treatment.  I am thankful that I will not be receiving fluids at three hours a pop for two days.  I am thankful I will not spend spring break week recovering from treatments.  I am thankful my hair has stopped falling out.  I am thankful for uninterrupted nights sleep.  I am thankful to be tube and wire free.  

God has brought us so very far and will continue to lead us every step of the way!

Only By His Grace,

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